A surprise Eiffel Tower proposal, a Sabyasachi lehenga picked in an hour and a Sufi night in the Thar—this is Chitralekha Pasupuleti and Holm-Ingolf Hamann’s love story
Where do we find love? On dating apps, where most conversations fizzle out, and even ChatGPT seems clearer about its intentions than some humans? Or on matrimonial websites, where caste and purity dictate the rules, leaving little room for nuance or stepping beyond society’s sanctioned limits?
Chitralekha Pasupuleti and Holm-Ingolf Hamann, born worlds apart, met in Seattle through a dating app—at an Indian restaurant called Moksha, now replaced by another.
“She had a puffy jacket on because it was November,” says Ingolf Hamann. “I hugged her and she was this fluffy cloud of puffiness. I didn't even know the human was in here. It was so darling. She is a petite person and the puffy jacket made her look much bigger.”
When he hugged Pasupuleti, walking towards her all blue-eyed, in a straight woolen jacket, hair almost tousled, for her, the “hug felt as if he knew me, didn’t feel uncomfortable at all but very caring and loving.”
In the first meeting, both of them weren’t there to impress the other. They had been in enough relationships to know that the whole impression business only lasts so long and that it takes more than just grand illusions to see a relationship through.
“I also liked her independence,” he says. “I was raised with the idea that men and women should be independent, self-sufficient, and no one has to rely on the other. But it is comforting to know that you can do that when tough times come. So, there was no red flag. I was wondering, what am I missing? Is the shoe dropping somewhere? Where is the skeleton in the closet? I didn’t know. And it turned out there wasn’t any.”
They fell in love quickly—between grocery lines and Crate & Barrel aisles in Washington before heading to an Indian restaurant. Things became clear when Ingolf Hamann, newly a US citizen, planned to celebrate in Paris during winter. They had never been professionally photographed together, and Paris in winter felt perfect. Braving subzero temperatures, they woke early for a photographer’s only available slot.
“He was very nervous and I was like, why is he this, you know, stressed out about a photo shoot? It’s just a photo shoot,” she says. “I wondered if maybe we should not have done this. Then the photographer said why don’t you two just talk to each other. So we both did and (Ingolf Hamann) would just not stop talking. And I was thinking, oh my God, the photos are going to come out really terrible because he is talking. Suddenly, I started hearing words like marriage, love and life and I realized, oh, this is a proposal speech. He went down on one knee and people around were clapping and I was just very emotional, he said how having me in his life was like Diwali, tears were streaming down my face.”
Ingolf Hamann chose Paris for the proposal, with a photographer, not just for its romance but to give her time to prepare. He’d heard women often dislike surprise proposals due to unflattering photos. He also regretted dismissing Pasupuleti’s idea of hiring a photographer in Hawaii, insisting an iPhone would suffice.
They got engaged three years after their first meeting in Crate & Barrel in December of 2022 and then a year after the engagement, got married. While things kept moving ahead, Ingolf Hamann wanted to ensure that her son from a previous marriage, Percy, wasn’t just a footnote but an integral part of the new life they would all build together. He was conscious that Percy was young and for someone that young, the way they see a marriage unfolding can have a much deeper impression for the rest of their lives.
“He was not just thinking about me but about my child and that felt very genuine,” she says. “Now, I didn't have to be the only one who talked about Percy, he would too.”
For Pasupuleti, this wasn’t an afterthought. Even before she started going on dates, she’d told her son about her plans. She treats him like an adult, an equal and they make decisions together. “In fact, the day I first went to meet Holm, Percy actually picked up my dress. We were both in the bathroom and he was sitting on my vanity kit and chatting away as I was putting my makeup on and getting ready. He gave me best wishes when I left. So, it actually feels good to have that kind of a relationship with your child where you are not sneaking around and doing something bad. Because I would tell my child not to sneak around and do something bad. So why would I have different rules for myself?”
Pasupuleti and Ingolf Hamann agreed marriage had to be slow, giving Percy time to adjust and see them as a unit. He embraced the change because it made his mother happy. But they also wanted to avoid rushed decisions and regret. “When you love someone, you also have the power to hurt them the most—that comes with huge responsibility,” Pasupuleti explains.
